Not Another Hetalia FanFic
by Alle Atze
Summary: You've read stories about Mary-Sues falling into the Hetalia world, right? But what about the exact opposite? America drags his friends and family into a house of horrors ran by five bossy and confused girls. They seem to only be interested in one thing but none of the country really seems interested in giving it to them. Rated T for cursing.
1. Girls and Eurovision

So this fic is a parody of movies like "Not Another Teenage Movie" and "Another Gay Movie" and others. Hopefully I will remember to update. I'll to keep everyone in character as possible but there will be slight OOC moments. Also this first chapter kind of boring.

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"America, they want you! You have to go!"

"I can't...I won't..."

"But you have to! For us!"

The young nation leaned against the wall. He truly didn't know what they'd do to him. "Fine."

America slowly moved to the door. The Sues were practically pounding on it. "Come out America! We know you're in there!" One of them chirped. America hesitated. He suddenly regretted what he had said. You know, about being the hero and all. He took a deep breath. Even if he didn't do this he (and everyone who depended on him) was still going to die a slow, painful death. "Well. What are you waiting for?" Canada said. America could tell from the tone of his voice he was losing confidence in him. "Go for it, bro."

**2 Weeks Before.**

It was a _normal_ day in the Hetalia universe. The _normal_ nations were having a _normal_ meeting about _normal_ problems. And the South American nations weren't there as _normal_. No one felt like going to another meeting. Meetings were just so boring. A greater majority didn't even get to voice their opinions. Nether the less, the European countries were awfully excited. It was the day before the Eurovision finals. Eurovision was not just a song contest. It was chance to prove you are better than your peers. It was kind of like the European Hunger Games. Countries were placing bets for who was going to win this year's contest. "I don't care who wins, as long as England ends up getting less than 10 points, I'll be fine with losing." Someone sneered. Everyone laughed at that, and even Germany couldn't keep from giving a slight chuckle.

The meeting went on. The original topic was the current state of the EU but that slowly shifted into Eurovision. America tuned himself out of that conversation. He figured if he wasn't involved in it, he shouldn't be concerned about it. He took out his new iPhone 5 and opened the Facebook app. One friend request. Her name was Hena Gyolkjhi? Gyjhomge? Gyherpderp? Her profile picture revealed she had blue hair with two oversized cat ears sticking out of it. She had a bad case of heterochromia, as one eye was purple and the other was..._pink_? Her eyes looked like they were staring into an empty pit of a soul. It was like she knew you all your life. She was a strange one but he added her anyways. He needed the friends.

When everyone was getting ready to leave, America felt his phone buzz in his pocket. One notification from that Hena chick. He ignored it. "Hey!" He yelled loudly over to his younger brothers. Well, only one of them was his actual biological brother. "That was such a boring meeting!" Puerto Rico moaned in annoyance. "I don't even understand why you drag me to these meetings."

America lit up at that comment. "Why? So that one day when you get your independence, you'll understand." He put his hand on his shoulder. "_Don't touch me_." Puerto Rico slapped his hand away. America didn't understand Puerto Rico fully. Sometimes he'd want to stay with him and other times it's just like "INDEPENDENCE, BITCH!". Everything with that boy was very confusing. His phone buzzed again. It was Hena again.

(Underlined things are Facebook messages.)

"I know your ignoring me, Alfred."

Creepy. He didn't want to respond. "Ok? What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk. ^_^"

America rolled his eyes. _Facebook girls_. "About what?"

"Your brothers, the meeting, the topics about the meeting." Wait...what? He looked back and around the hallway. More creepy.

"Are you a wizard?"

"No, I just happen to know everything… But do you really want to know how I know these things?"

America tapped his chin with his index finger. "Yes."

"Okay! Add my friends first." She typed followed by several links to her friends' profiles. All of them were as weird as Hena. But he added them anyways. He wanted to be a wizard. "Alright, I added them. What now?"

"Meet me at this address! Bring lots of **MALE **friends! [555 E Meters Blvd.]"

"Canada, Puerto Rico! We're going to be wizards!"

"What!?"

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I promise, it will start to get interesting next chapter! Oh and like the summery said, Hena was meant to be Mary Sue-ish.


	2. Trains and Tampons

I couldn't help but give Hena's friends names. There's Yaoee C. Block, Yuree Fandame, and Emmy Preg. Yes, their names will be crucial towards their shipping preferences.

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"What are you going on about?" Puerto Rico asked, annoyed. "This girl on Facebook told me if I came to her house, I can be a wizard!"

"Whatever."

"_I'm being serious_!"

"Fine, let me see your phone." America handed his phone to the tanned nation. Canada couldn't help but snicker. "You actual believed her?"

"Well," America crossed his arms. "She looked pretty wizard like to me."

"I don't think he was lying, Canada." Puerto Rico said showing his other brother the phone screen. "Those eyes don't come natural."

Canada stared blankly at him. "She could have always bought contacts."

The Hispanic shook his head. "What eye doctor gives someone to different colored contacts?"

"Yeah, 'Nadia. Use your head. Geez." America said while grabbing a train schedule. "Alright_, 'Murica."_

At this point they were walking down the steps of the Septa substation in Philadelphia, as that's where the meeting was held. Along the walls and columns of the station were poster advertisements of fast food restaurants or brands of sneakers. Just in front of their feet was a long yellow line running from one side of the station to the next. Below it said "**DO NOT GO OVER THIS LINE UNTIL TRAIN HAS** **ARRIVED.**" in big bright red letters. America nudged Canada with his elbow. "What would happen if I just walked over this line right now? I mean just like, being completely oblivious." He practically snorted at how stupid the question was. "I don't know. Why don't you try walking over it _and see._"

"Oh ha ha ha. Very funny." He opened his train schedule. Puerto Rico was starting to get fidgety. To him, the train station wasn't a train station. It was a germ station. Public places like banks and malls were a living hell to him. Anytime he and Alfred would get in an elevator he'd use a finger-pointer to push the buttons instead of his own hand. He was extremely OCD about these things. "Do you guys ever wonder what people put in the trash here?" He asked. "_Nope_." The others said in unison. Puerto Rico leaned over to a look at what was in the trash can. Some girls used tampon sat on top of the other trash and shiznits. _Like eww._

Suddenly the ground started to shake and loud rumbling sounds were coming from the tunnel. "I think the train is coming." America said, holding on to a pillar. "_No duh, dumbass_." One of the others yelled.

Soon, a big orange train stopped at the platform. The doors opened. America grabbed on to his brothers wrists'. "Hurry up. I want to get the backwards seats." He said. Instead, they sat in seats alongside the doors. "I don't like trains that much." Canada said. He looked at the humans sitting around them. "I always think something bad is going to happen."

"As if! American trains are the safest in the wo-"

"Stop! This is a hold up! No one move." An angry looking teenager shouted. "-rld." America said finishing his sentence. He started to breath heavier and his face flushed. Then he got out of his seat to crawl up under it. "America!" Puerto Rico kicked him. "You're making a scene!"

In response, he made a loud yelp and grabbed on to his leg. Puerto Rico face palmed. The teenagers turned on their radio and started to...dance? "Guys its okay! They're just dancers!"

"What." They said in unison. "Dancers! They dance!"

"Oh... NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS. GO BACK TO YOUR DAILY LIVES. HEH HEH." America shouted. The train stopped and the doors opened. "Let's get out of here."

"Agreed."

-/-

"Hey, weren't we supposed to ask other people to come?" Canada spoke up, breaking the silence. "You could have said that 45 minutes back but noooooo type to mystery quiet mystery guy because I obviously don't care for my brother's wellbeing!" Puerto Rico snapped hysterically. The others look at him in shock. "Do you seriously think we're gonna do all that train shit all over again? This, my friends, is a time to use what I like to a cellphone." America pulled his touchscreen out of his back pocket.

"Hosting party at strange house...chicks will be there...free beer...come right away." He texted. He checked off the send to all contacts button and pressed send. "Let's keep moving people!"

-/-

The walk to the house was long and horrid. America kept whining that he was so so so hungry and he'll die of starvation if he didn't get something to eat right this second. Puerto Rico slapped him to shut him up but caused him to get a bloody nose in the process. Canada..._well_ Canada just kept walking. "Ring the bell, Matt." He did what he was told. The door opened a green haired girl with a hat in the shape of a panda was reveled front of them. "What?" She sounded slightly annoyed. "Uh...we're here to see Hena...for the witchcraft and crap." America said. "Huh? Oh say no more! Come in!" She opened the door a little wider so they could pass through. From a look at the big stretched-out hallway, you could tell something was up. The hallway was filled with portraits of numerous nation and flags. There was a picture of America and Colombia with big red x painted on her. America shivered. That made him feel very awkward. "Ahh Amurika~ I see your admiring the collection of the photos, ja?" The green haired girl said, glancing over at the curious country. "Mhmm..."

He mumbled not paying attention to girl. There was another picture, this time with all the female nations together. Their faces had been cut and some other girls' faces had been photo shopped on to it. "You see Alfred-san; we tend to prefer the male countries over the female nations."

"Why?"

"OH HENNNNAAAA THEY'RE HEEEEERRRREEEE!" The girl completely ignored his question and called out to her friend. "Just a fucking minute! I was writing my...fan...fiction..."

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I am so sorry if I made Canada seem like a douche! My HC for him is that he's nice and polite around others but he really comes out when he's with his bros! Someone remind me to update if I'm gone for like two weeks. I know it bound to happen.


End file.
